So actually, I was on a mission to try out a particular hole in the wall fried chicken joint but motherfuckers decided to close early this very night for Christmas festivities or some shit. Not to worry! I had a back up plan, and it was only a few shops up from where we were anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Taiwan Cafe on 273 Swanston Street, Melbourne CBD (next to McDonalds on the corner of Londsdale Street). They’re BYO charging $3 a head corkage. Beer was around the $5 mark and wine was who cares for a glass, I don’t know because fuck glasses, I headed straight for the big one at $19 a bottle (admit it, it’s the only way).

This place was…cosy, I suppose. Pretty narrow, but it is two storeys and upstairs was a little more spacey so it could actually seat quite a few. It was pretty fucking packed, which was a good sign, although that said, it is the CBD and this vortex is notorious for false positives (fucking n00bs!). It was nice, not too cramped so we had space to expand our impending fried chicken induced mass. Toilet situation was one cubicle for guys, one cubicle for girls. Because I’m an impatient motherf, I went to the mens because ladies was being used and wow, was I impressed! It was really clean and didn’t smell. Well done! Plus, the toilet door makes a dolphin squeaking noise when it’s being opened and closed which was entertaining for a few seconds.

Taiwan Cafe have a shit ton of different fried chicken dishes, there are more than 5 pages dedicated to it specifically (although that said, most of the pages were images of the food). Despite having a bunch of people at the ready to sample their numerous fried chicken wares, we had barely scratched the surface of their huge variety list.

Taiwanese XL Crispy Fried Chicken :: $7.50

This was greasy hands down the best fried chicken out of all the others tonight. It’s a decent sized boneless chicken fillet that’s been hanging out in some awesome sweet ginger marinade for eons before being deep fried in a heavy crispy batter. Using the thigh fillet for this was nothing short of genius – oh god, that moist and juicy chicken once you cut through that fried exterior, SOLD.

Taiwanese Style Popcorn Chicken :: $7.50

Ok, so let me be the first to say, never take a good marinade for granted! These bite sized chunks of chicken were fried in the same crispy batter as the XL chicken, but sans awesome ginger marinade. Result? Pretty bland, and for some reason, not as crispy either. I would have thought (with my zero background in physics), smaller bits of chicken would crisp up better than bigger pieces, right? The lack of any specific flavour married with the fact it was chunks of breast making it a little dry had me thinking this dish really could have done with some kind of sauce on the side to give it an extra kick.

Chicken Drum :: $5.90

These cute chicken drummetes came in a gaggle of four with a side of sauce (although I can’t for the life of me remember what type it was – I don’t remember it being spicy, maybe it was sweet…I think?) They were coated with some kind of pepper seasoning then dunked in some breadcrumbs before facing their destiny with the deep fryer so the skin is slightly lighter than the typical fried chicken batter we’re all used to. Considering it was just coated in pepper and breadcrumbs, you can’t really expect an explosion of flavour, but what it lacked in epic taste it absolutely made up for in crispiness. Holy peanuts, that crunch!

Fried Chicken Wings ::  $5.50

When I think chicken wing, I go to a heavenly place in my imagination where wing and drumette remain together in harmony. So I had to dig deep to come to terms with the fact that these two would be separated into individual dishes, and meet completely different fates! Somewhere in the depths of the Taiwan Cafe kitchen, some heartless chef with no regard to companionship is busy not only breaking the drumette away from the wing, but then cooking it in a completely different style from its counterpart! Maybe I just need to change the way I think and stop judging people for their cooking methods – after all, the fried chicken wings were actually not that bad. These bad boys come in 5’s and once again, could have really done with sauce on the side as well. They’re deep fried, yes, but with minimal seasoning on the outside, making it the lightest skin out of all the other chook meals. No batter, simply chicken wings coated in a pepper heavy seasoning then fried. I quite enjoyed it because pepper is my jam, but I could understand if someone found it bland – especially since it was zero saltiness (once again, something that I like because I don’t know).

Taiwanese XL Crispy Fried Chicken Rice Box :: $10.90

Now it doesn’t look like much, but my god this was a huge feed. A bento box containing a mammoth piece of XL crispy fried chicken, a bowl sized serving of rice garnished with mince pork (yea, I don’t even…), chinese vegies and a fried egg. Awesome hot cleavage required for scale, obviously. This is definitely worth the money. So much chicken. SO MUCH CHICKEN!

  

Taiwanese XL Crispy Fried Chicken Noodle Soup :: $9.90

Yea, sorry, the failcase that I am completely forgot to take a pre-devour shot of this because I was too distracted with cleavage chicken rice box (fair enough, right?) so here’s a mid eat shot with only minimal chicken left. Big ol’ noodle soup bowl containing standard noodles with chinese vegies, and the chicken was served on a separate plate to add at your own leisure. The broth was delicious, tasted like it had come from a pot chock full of spices and herbs, just simmering away all day, getting more flavoursome by the minute.

Lemon Chicken on Rice :: $9.50

Woooo, almost let this one fly under the radar. I just noticed this was ordered and the suspect was about to eat it when I yelled across the table “STOP! IS THAT FRIED? Yes? Ok, hand it over for a photo”. I didn’t get to try this because cleavage chicken rice box again probably, and he was still in the midst of Bali belly so his sole review will/is probably/definitely be the most shithouse one out of all the others: “chicken was juicy, yea, and crispy and lemon sauce was thick and sweet”. I never really got an overall rating response, I was just too overwhelmed by the other fried chicken that covered our table.

So…what’s the overall verdict?

CRISPINESS: Look only to the chicken drum – it’s the breadcrumbs I tells ya!

OIL POCKET FACTOR: It was difficult to gage OPF for the dishes we ordered because they were share-size chicken, and the larger fillets were already pre cut into strips before they got to us. Oh shit, no, the rice box one wasn’t but I forgot to assess. Look, considering how moist and juicy the XL was even in post-cut mode, I can put money on the fact one will be thoroughly satisfied with the mini oil explosion in their mouth when they bite into that lucky pocket of ooze between skin and meat on a big arse piece of chicken

SIZE: XL chicken rice box. Nuff said.

PRICE: El cheapo! Starters were around the $5-7 mark, mains around $10, most being just below. Score!

COME HERE AGAIN? Fuck yea! Everyone was pretty chuffed with the feed. This place has a huge range of Asian style fried chicken that’s easy on the dollah, can’t go wrong eh?